I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

Moreover, dating isolates the couple from life’s most important relationships: family, friends, and church. In reality, dating is an artificial environment-a break from real life and away from real relationships. The couple may think time alone allows them to get to know each other, but actually they only gain a false sense of knowledge. In dating, Harris argues, a man and woman spend exclusive time together. Dating is the “product of our entertainment-driven, disposable-everything American culture,” Harris explains in “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Dating, at its core, promotes the wrong attitude and wrong approach to relationships. By dating, he seems to refer to both 1) a mutual appointment between a guy and girl (e.g., seeing a movie or getting drinks, coffee, or dinner) which may or may not be part of an exclusive relationship and 2) an exclusive relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend who spend lots of time together privately. Harris’s central critique is against dating. The Harris Framework: Defective Dating, Effective Courtship His solutions, moreover, affirmed or exacerbated the dysfunction of our romantic culture. Harris fails to understand the relationship culture he critiques.

His analysis and advice, however, has been more harmful than helpful. Harris’s writings provides a robust framework for why dating is the problem and courtship the solution. Harris articulates his theory of dating and courtship in three resources: the initial article for New Attitude, “Dating Problems, Courtship Solutions,” “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance,” and the sequel, “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship.” Harris insists his books are not a formula for the perfect relationship, but this claim amounts to empty hedging against the charge of legalism. Harris has invited other readers to share their stories through his website as he rereads his books and reconsiders his arguments. Some men and women have publicly shared their negative experiences with “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Some failed relationships even made The New York Times. His Twitter feed includes several apologies to those wronged by his teachings. In an interview with NPR this July, Harris explains that a wake of personal testimonies about his books has caused him to reevaluate his argument and its influence. Over the last 20 years, Harris has moved away from home, gotten married, had kids, and, finally, enrolled in a formal school setting. A lot has changed since his meteoric rise.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris